Top 7 Brother Duos I Don't Want to See in an Alley
We’ve all thought about it.
If you were walking down an alley with your 2 brothers (imaginary brothers for those who don’t have brothers), which set of brothers would you least like to see coming the other way?
It’s an age-old question.
Now, before I get into my rankings, here are a couple of ground rules that I made:
The brothers must all be alive. (Otherwise, the Simpson brothers would have made my list… I don’t know about you guys but someone picking on Melvin probably wasn’t okay with OJ. I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that, but that’s just me.)
The brothers must be close to their athletic prime. (Otherwise, the Matthews brothers would have made my list… two all-pro NFL players, no thanks.)
All of the brothers must be able to hold their own. (This took the Mike Tyson, Lawrence Taylor, and Dennis Rodman types off the board. Sources aren’t clear enough on what their brothers could do, not that it really mattered.) P.S. all 3 of those guys would be exempt from rule 2 because if they were in an empty alley, still to this day, they're coming out alive.
One brother must have some sort of celebrity notoriety. (This took a number of people off of the board.)
No Paul brothers.
That’s it.
Here we go
7.
The Watt Brothers
JJ, TJ, Derek
When I think of brothers I don’t want to mess with, it does not take long to get to the Watt’s.
Three NFL starters, two of which have been (arguably) the best defensive players in the league, enough said. Normally, an NFL fullback would be a 5-star recruit in an alley brawl, but the fact that he’s an afterthought concerns me.
It could not have been very fun for these three to let everyone in the neighborhood know that they were a “package deal” in the schoolyard tackle football games; unless you were on their team.
If they weren’t so phony, they might have been higher on my list. JJ might have to step out of the alley to film an HEB commercial, you never know.
Potential Weakness: High chance they pull a muscle.
6.
The Morris Twins
Marcus and Markieff
You know what is scarier than one 6’8, 230 lb guy? Having two of them.
The Morris Twins are not the guys I would mess around with. When push comes to shove, they have the reach on anyone else on the list, well almost anyone.
Brothers known for scuffles, technical fouls, and dirty plays might not play well with the public, but for the “brothers I don’t want to mess with” draft, it only helps their stock.
This might be an unpopular pick, but I think they are slept on in this draft.
Potential Weakness: Not sure how “flopping” gets rewarded in a street fight
5.
The Kelce Brothers
Jason and Travis
Two All-Pro NFL veterans both well known for having a screw loose, sign me up for not wanting to “go” with these guys.
I can’t imagine the guy that thought it was a good idea to pick on Travis Kelce. First of all, it probably didn’t happen. But let’s just pretend that it did.
I’m not envisioning Jason being very receptive to that idea.
I’m not sure who would think it would be a good idea to mess with these two. Jason’s grizzly beard alone would be enough to scare me off, which isn’t saying much.
Potential Weakness: Can Travis win anything without Mahomes?
4.
The Jokic Brothers
Nikola, Strahinja, Nemanja
If you are not familiar with the “Jokic bros” then go become familiar. The Jokic bros were thrown into the public eye during a Nuggets/Suns “fight” (where they act like it’s actually a fight but it ultimately concludes with nothing going down). However, footage surfaced of the brothers attempting to break through the security to protect their youngest brother, Nikola.
The Joker himself is 6’11, 280 lb. Not the most intimidating fella in the world, but when you combine him with his two brothers, that’s when it gets pretty dicey.
Strahinja (the oldest) is a 7 footer who resembles The Rock and looks like he doesn’t have any time for someone picking on his baby brother. The only part of his body that isn’t tattooed is his face, yet.
Nemanja is the runt of the family, he’s only 6’6.
When you throw in the threatening tweets that they constantly send out (to the Morris Twins), and the (extremely) threatening look on their faces, it leaves me with two words…
No thanks.
The Jokic bros have the highest “upside” in this draft. We could look back on this piece in a couple of years and think “Man, Bag was really onto something there”.
Getting the Jokic bros at 4 is a STEAL.
Potential Weakness: High potential for a plethora of shots to the sack due to height disparity
3.
The Bosa Brothers
Joey and Nick
We talked earlier about the Kelce’s having a “screw loose”, I’m not sure the Bosa’s even have screws.
With the Bosa bros, you get a pair of 6’5, 260 lb goons that have dominated the NFL. The scariest thing about the Bosa’s isn’t their strength. It isn’t the violence in which they play the game.
It’s the demeanor that they have while being the baddest dude on the field. That’s what is scary to me.
Looking at their faces after they have physically destroyed someone almost reminds me of The Homelander. An emotionless, blank glance is all they ever give you before moving on to the next play to do the same thing.
The only good thing about meeting them in the alley: it would be quick and efficient.
Potential Weakness: Facing off against #1 on my list, that’s about it.
2.
The Gronk Brothers
Robert, Glenn, Gordie, Chris, Dan
I know. Predictable. Chalk pick. Whatever. These guys are not to be messed with.
Both in volume and ability, the Gronks don’t mess around. With 4 out of the 5 brothers having NFL experience it was impossible to have these guys anywhere but a top 3 selection.
Years and years of intrasquad matches (brother fights) have given them plenty of experience to know how to dominate an alley fight, not that they really needed any help.
Rob alone creates enough chaos, but assist him with his 4 brothers and the world might (literally) burn to the ground.
The only chance of making it out of the alley alive, well there are quite a few things, I’ll leave that up to your imagination.
Potential Weakness: High chance of it turning into a brother fight.
1.
The Jones Brothers
Jon “Bones”, Chandler, Arthur
Yeah, this isn’t up for discussion. The number one pick in this draft is about as easy as it gets.
Could you imagine growing up in this household? Good lord. Two NFL defensive linemen and one of the best UFC fighters of all time; it had to be fun playing “crush the carrier” with them.
These 3 could take on any variation of brothers on this entire list, including all 5 Gronk brothers, that’s how highly I view them.
When assessing my options it would go something like this:
First off, we aren’t gonna match up with JBJ, I’m simply not gonna do it. I’ll leave that task for one of my other brothers.
Now that we have that covered…
Hmmmm, I can either take on Chandler or Arthur.
Chandler at 6’5, 270 lb seems like a bit of a stretch to me, I probably won’t match up well there.
Arthur at 6’3, 330 lb also seems to be a bit of a mismatch.
I guess, when push comes to shove, I’d have to go with Arthur.
My only chance is to somehow get by him and run for my life, otherwise, I’ll be alongside my brothers getting the pleasure of being introduced to the Jones bros.
Potential Weakness: The opponent has a gun, not 100% sure that would stop them.